This was number three, written in the early days (late November, 2006)… at the time, I was pretty alone, alienated, culture shocked and loving every minute of it… I was especially fed up with 3rd world city air, urban life and Chinese food.
I am doing well. I am still happy and usually feel good about being here. My Chinese is getting a little better and I am learning to write and read a little. This weekend, I borrowed a friend's motor scooter and took a trip up to the mountains. I found an abandoned amusement park; I had no choice but to get out and look around. It was creepy as hell, like a scene from a good ghost story.
Among the wreckage, was a rusty carousel, half of a giant roller coaster and a haunted house. The haunted hose was right out of a ghost movie... the entrance was a clown's mouth, there was a rotted, wooden beam blocking the doorway. I had no flashlight, I was being attacked my mosquitoes and I was scared shitless... but I couldn't help but go in and wander around.
The inside was pretty damn creepy, but without light, I gave up pretty quickly. Since I arrived in Taiwan, I've had an irrational fear of being attacked by a pack of street dogs; this is so far from the guy who used to cuddle them in th streets of Mexico.
Anyway, as I exited the ghost house, I heard the loudest, deathliest scream I have ever heard in my life... I was sure the 16-year old girl I heard was being killed. I jumped, and before I knew it, the victim was in front of my face.. this made me scream!
Finally, the two of us calmed down. The victim was a young Chinese girl, hiding behind her boyfriend... he looked at me blankly, she looked at me as if I were the assailant... the three of us just sat there staring for a minute or two.
I sink you are the ghostaa... she finally said.
I apologized and walked away.
I also found a great place to go hiking; the air was free of pollution and motor scooter exhaust, giving it a foreign, woodsy smell. The views from the top were great too! On the way home, I passed by a restaurant called "Plaza de España." I am sick and tired of fried rice and chow mien, and am now jumping at the chance to eat anything different. I decided to give it a shot. I talked to the cook, a Taiwanese guy who spoke no English, but spoke decent Spanish. It turns out…he studied to become a chef in Sevilla! The restaurant walls were covered with pictures from his trip across Spain. I couldn't help but look around the restaurant and ask myself, What the hell am I doing in Taiwan?... with all the incredible places on Earth, how could I spend a moment in a place I didn’t really like? The food was great, and I assured him that I would drive the 30 minutes again soon, just to eat there.
I am realizing that everything (American food, Hanes underwear, Guacamole, Pesto Pizza, etc.) is actually available in Taiwan. Through my quest across the city, I have found Kirkland Soymilk, corn tortillas, good pasta sauce, refried beans and Cinnamon Toast Crunch! All of the mentioned items are ridiculously over priced (3 or 4 times prices at home), and are all imported. A can of clam sauce goes for four dollars! A quarter pound of peeper jack goes for six! I really hate to pay prices like these, but this food really helps to cure homesickness. I am doing well. I am still happy and usually feel good about being here. My Chinese is getting a little better and I am learning to write and read a little. This weekend, I borrowed a friend's motor scooter and took a trip up to the mountains. I found an abandoned amusement park; I had no choice but to get out and look around. It was creepy as hell, like a scene from a good ghost story.
Among the wreckage, was a rusty carousel, half of a giant roller coaster and a haunted house. The haunted hose was right out of a ghost movie... the entrance was a clown's mouth, there was a rotted, wooden beam blocking the doorway. I had no flashlight, I was being attacked my mosquitoes and I was scared shitless... but I couldn't help but go in and wander around.
The inside was pretty damn creepy, but without light, I gave up pretty quickly. Since I arrived in Taiwan, I've had an irrational fear of being attacked by a pack of street dogs; this is so far from the guy who used to cuddle them in th streets of Mexico.
Anyway, as I exited the ghost house, I heard the loudest, deathliest scream I have ever heard in my life... I was sure the 16-year old girl I heard was being killed. I jumped, and before I knew it, the victim was in front of my face.. this made me scream!
Finally, the two of us calmed down. The victim was a young Chinese girl, hiding behind her boyfriend... he looked at me blankly, she looked at me as if I were the assailant... the three of us just sat there staring for a minute or two.
I sink you are the ghostaa... she finally said.
I apologized and walked away.
I also found a great place to go hiking; the air was free of pollution and motor scooter exhaust, giving it a foreign, woodsy smell. The views from the top were great too! On the way home, I passed by a restaurant called "Plaza de España." I am sick and tired of fried rice and chow mien, and am now jumping at the chance to eat anything different. I decided to give it a shot. I talked to the cook, a Taiwanese guy who spoke no English, but spoke decent Spanish. It turns out…he studied to become a chef in Sevilla! The restaurant walls were covered with pictures from his trip across Spain. I couldn't help but look around the restaurant and ask myself, What the hell am I doing in Taiwan?... with all the incredible places on Earth, how could I spend a moment in a place I didn’t really like? The food was great, and I assured him that I would drive the 30 minutes again soon, just to eat there.
My landlord is slowly, slowly furnishing my house… I came home one day to find a huge bookcase blocking my apartment door; weeks later, there was a toaster oven in the hallway… today, it was a TV! I don't have cable, but I do get 4 or 5 network channels- 100 % Chinese I should add. I make my choices between local news, Korean soap operas and game shows involving green slime and people being spanked.
The soap operas or dramas are sometimes set in modern-day, contemporary society. Obviously they are in Chinese, but they seem to be typical love stories, only they will have random kung-fu scenes in the middle; like a man will be walking down a crowded city street and see two people kissing, and accost the man. Then, out of nowhere, a slow motion, Matrix fighting scene will start. Others seem to be set in feudal Japan or Korea and feature bad actors with pony tails and extravagant costumes.
The game shows are usually pretty hard to figure out, but their odd sense of humor comes though anyway. On one show, a dozen young guys and girls all sit on the stage in high-school-style desks, wearing typical school uniforms. An old man and woman stand in front of the students and try to make them laugh. The man once dressed in a frog suit once and as a French maid another time. The man and woman usually sing awful Chinese ballads or just groan and make weird noises. The students try their best not to laugh, but this usually only lasts a few seconds.
While we (in the states) get prizes for winning these games, in Taiwan, the losers get punished. So… when the student laughs (usually a girl) she must bend over her desk and the teacher will spank her with a wooden mallet. They play a honk or bonk sound, similar to those you hear on Mexican game shows, and the girl's butt is covered with a colored box (on the screen) that must say ouch or bang in Chinese.
Another show is identical to fear factor. In a country where people commonly eat tofu marinated in rotten milk and seafood, fried goose blood, chicken hearts on a skewer and fish head soup, I can only imagine what they eat on fear factor. Each player has a little red bucket and puking is quite common.
I am learning that we take it for granted that the US is a country of immigrants; I know lately this is only a lefty, hippy thing that Mexican lovers tend to say, but it really is true. We take it for granted that cities in America (even Penasquitos) can hold white people, Latinos, Asians, Black people, etc. and none are typically out of place. Sure our society may be more friendly to certain races, but no foreigners are looked at as actual aliens. Taiwanese cities (even the big ones) don't seem to have any non-Asians. In Taiwan, immigrants come from the Philippines, Thailand and Indonesia mostly; I assume they are not treated too well.
As for white people, we really are treated like saints. But we are also treated like true outsiders; we are gawked at and alienated. I have learned the word for foreigner: wai-guo-ren (literally "outside person"), and at least 3 times a day, I hear this word in side conversations, around me. It isn't malicious on their part, but it is puzzling that I can be such a big deal to them. Proof of this is that people are really sweet here, always overly helpful and eager to practice their 6 words of English with me. I have traveled to other nations where white skin was seen as wealth, and the friendliness I encountered was obviously coming for a price to be negotiated later.
Here, helpful people and friendly strangers are just that. On a long bike ride one day, I came across a huge park, where families were barbequing and singing karaoke from TV's mounted in the back of pick-up trucks. Within moments of my arrival, a family had called me over to join them. They spoke no English (they barely even spoke Chinese) yet we tried our best to communicate. They gave me disgusting, oily sausage from their Bar-B-Q, they gave me shrimp and taught me to suck the brain out and they gave me squid jerky. They then brought on the rounds of hard liquor, which tasted like stale whiskey. We laughed at our inability to communicate; I politely forced down the liquor and food and was on my way as quickly as I had arrived.
My Chinese is not close to passable, its really not even good enough to be called embarrassing. Through my conversations with people who speak a little English, I have found a common pattern. Almost always, the questions go in order:
1) Where are you come from?
2) Can you say Chinese?
3) Are you student?
4) How long you come Taiwan?
5) Where are you live?
6) Why are you come Taiwan?
I’ve thought about printing a t-shirt witht the following:
-California
-No
-No
-Too long and Not long enough
-Your mom’s house
-I have no f---in idea.
Because of this- now predictable sequence, when spoken to in Chinese, I just respond in this order. Chinese is a very difficult language to pronounce, meaning that after 5 months here, I still can't correctly pronounce the word for beef, bathroom or my own city. When grunting and burping out this puzzling language, I usually repeat each word half a dozen times, changing my tone and emphasis until the people understand me. Most conversations (at the pool, with waiters and waitresses, while buying tea, etc) go something like this.
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: Meigouren (America people)
Chinese Person: eh?
Matt: MEIgouren (AmErica people)
Chinese Person: eh?
Matt: MeigouREN (AmericA people)
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: Wo shwo ee-dien-dien jongwen (I speak little Chinese)
(more eh?'s and me repeating myself)
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: Wo engwen laoshir (I English teacher)
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: ooo (five)….. here I get really nervous because I can't say
the word month……. I just say the word five a lot.
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: Dali (I usually have to repeat this one close to fifty times,
and even then I assume the person gives up on me and just says ohh.
The conversation goes on like this, and often seems to work out okay. Though at other times, I get very puzzled looks. I imagine it has happened that someone asked me the time, or whether I'd like coffee or tea with my dinner, and I replied English teacher.
Things are going and going here and mostly going well. I went to my first American-looking supermarket tonight, where I bought olive oil, garlic, Chili sauce, a can opener, a frying pan and some Chinese noodles. That’s it!
The soap operas or dramas are sometimes set in modern-day, contemporary society. Obviously they are in Chinese, but they seem to be typical love stories, only they will have random kung-fu scenes in the middle; like a man will be walking down a crowded city street and see two people kissing, and accost the man. Then, out of nowhere, a slow motion, Matrix fighting scene will start. Others seem to be set in feudal Japan or Korea and feature bad actors with pony tails and extravagant costumes.
The game shows are usually pretty hard to figure out, but their odd sense of humor comes though anyway. On one show, a dozen young guys and girls all sit on the stage in high-school-style desks, wearing typical school uniforms. An old man and woman stand in front of the students and try to make them laugh. The man once dressed in a frog suit once and as a French maid another time. The man and woman usually sing awful Chinese ballads or just groan and make weird noises. The students try their best not to laugh, but this usually only lasts a few seconds.
While we (in the states) get prizes for winning these games, in Taiwan, the losers get punished. So… when the student laughs (usually a girl) she must bend over her desk and the teacher will spank her with a wooden mallet. They play a honk or bonk sound, similar to those you hear on Mexican game shows, and the girl's butt is covered with a colored box (on the screen) that must say ouch or bang in Chinese.
Another show is identical to fear factor. In a country where people commonly eat tofu marinated in rotten milk and seafood, fried goose blood, chicken hearts on a skewer and fish head soup, I can only imagine what they eat on fear factor. Each player has a little red bucket and puking is quite common.
I am learning that we take it for granted that the US is a country of immigrants; I know lately this is only a lefty, hippy thing that Mexican lovers tend to say, but it really is true. We take it for granted that cities in America (even Penasquitos) can hold white people, Latinos, Asians, Black people, etc. and none are typically out of place. Sure our society may be more friendly to certain races, but no foreigners are looked at as actual aliens. Taiwanese cities (even the big ones) don't seem to have any non-Asians. In Taiwan, immigrants come from the Philippines, Thailand and Indonesia mostly; I assume they are not treated too well.
As for white people, we really are treated like saints. But we are also treated like true outsiders; we are gawked at and alienated. I have learned the word for foreigner: wai-guo-ren (literally "outside person"), and at least 3 times a day, I hear this word in side conversations, around me. It isn't malicious on their part, but it is puzzling that I can be such a big deal to them. Proof of this is that people are really sweet here, always overly helpful and eager to practice their 6 words of English with me. I have traveled to other nations where white skin was seen as wealth, and the friendliness I encountered was obviously coming for a price to be negotiated later.
Here, helpful people and friendly strangers are just that. On a long bike ride one day, I came across a huge park, where families were barbequing and singing karaoke from TV's mounted in the back of pick-up trucks. Within moments of my arrival, a family had called me over to join them. They spoke no English (they barely even spoke Chinese) yet we tried our best to communicate. They gave me disgusting, oily sausage from their Bar-B-Q, they gave me shrimp and taught me to suck the brain out and they gave me squid jerky. They then brought on the rounds of hard liquor, which tasted like stale whiskey. We laughed at our inability to communicate; I politely forced down the liquor and food and was on my way as quickly as I had arrived.
My Chinese is not close to passable, its really not even good enough to be called embarrassing. Through my conversations with people who speak a little English, I have found a common pattern. Almost always, the questions go in order:
1) Where are you come from?
2) Can you say Chinese?
3) Are you student?
4) How long you come Taiwan?
5) Where are you live?
6) Why are you come Taiwan?
I’ve thought about printing a t-shirt witht the following:
-California
-No
-No
-Too long and Not long enough
-Your mom’s house
-I have no f---in idea.
Because of this- now predictable sequence, when spoken to in Chinese, I just respond in this order. Chinese is a very difficult language to pronounce, meaning that after 5 months here, I still can't correctly pronounce the word for beef, bathroom or my own city. When grunting and burping out this puzzling language, I usually repeat each word half a dozen times, changing my tone and emphasis until the people understand me. Most conversations (at the pool, with waiters and waitresses, while buying tea, etc) go something like this.
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: Meigouren (America people)
Chinese Person: eh?
Matt: MEIgouren (AmErica people)
Chinese Person: eh?
Matt: MeigouREN (AmericA people)
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: Wo shwo ee-dien-dien jongwen (I speak little Chinese)
(more eh?'s and me repeating myself)
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: Wo engwen laoshir (I English teacher)
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: ooo (five)….. here I get really nervous because I can't say
the word month……. I just say the word five a lot.
Chinese Person: blah blah blah blah
Matt: Dali (I usually have to repeat this one close to fifty times,
and even then I assume the person gives up on me and just says ohh.
The conversation goes on like this, and often seems to work out okay. Though at other times, I get very puzzled looks. I imagine it has happened that someone asked me the time, or whether I'd like coffee or tea with my dinner, and I replied English teacher.
Things are going and going here and mostly going well. I went to my first American-looking supermarket tonight, where I bought olive oil, garlic, Chili sauce, a can opener, a frying pan and some Chinese noodles. That’s it!
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